How to Make the Gay Boys Leave You Alone So You Can Prepare For Your Impending Threesome

I was lying down trying to sober up a bit before the boys came upstairs when my phone rang.

"Hey Atticus, what's up?"

"John and I are hanging out at his place. You should come over."

"Um, I already have plans for tonight."

"So? Come hang out with us instead."

"I'm not at home. I'm all the way over at Lake and 86th."

"Whatever. Just come over."

"Atticuuuus. I'm expecting two boys for a threesome in a minute."

"Tell her to quit whining and come over," John yelled in the background.

"John says that you need to come over," Atticus informed me.

"Look, Atticus, ask John if he's gonna stick it in. 'Cause if he's not, I think I'll stay here."

Atticus relayed the message to John.

From the background I heard, "Ewwww. No way!"

"So, yeah, I'll call you guys later," I said.